A Life Unraveling

My brother's life right now could be the story of what is wrong with mental health care in the U.S. today. The quickest backstory ever... 20 years ago, he was diagnosed as Bipolar II. Sure, there are lots of details, but the bottom line is that for the past 20 years, up until October of last year, he was living a fairly quiet life with a mental illness. He never held a full time job, but he managed to finish a couple of vocational programs, and start several others, and even managed to get married last August (egads, that is certainly another story, and even kind of funny). He was never a menace to society, or made his loved ones fear for their own safety (and his).

Until he found the DRUGS. Mind you, he was taking medications for his bipolar that allowed him to be the person he was up until he found these DRUGS. Now, we're not entirely sure what he has been taking, and apparently, they are legal, but very dangerous. He orders them online, with some of them coming from China. What little I know is that some are "research" drugs that are hallucinogenic. The other drug that he says he has taken is mephedrone, which is also known as "plant food". It is apparently highly addictive, and very dangerous. With a brain already chemically imbalanced by mental illness, these drugs must only be even more dangerous (conjecture on my part).

When he discovered these DRUGS, "N" began systemically destroying everything. His brain, his marriage, his ability to function, and his relationship with his family. He has become extremely paranoid, and when he isn't in the hospital detoxing, he takes the drugs, and then calls police because he thinks people are trying to get him. He built barricades in his apartment out of the furniture, and this last time out, he had amassed quite the gun collection. Of course, the hospitals can't release him knowing there are guns, so my mother has removed the guns each time. Sometimes she has sold them, but the last time, after he scared her with threats and harassment, she put them back in his truck which was at her house. So Monday, she removed them again, and has promised me that it's the last time she will, and as far as she knows, he's out of the hospital. He doesn't know where the guns are, or where my mother is. Seriously, though, a 71 year old woman should not have to hide from her son to feel safe.

He has been in the hospital more days in the last 6 months than out of the hospital, including one time in intensive care, strapped to the bed. He has had seizures. None of the stays have been longer than 7 days except for the intensive care time, and 3 weeks at a rehab facility, where he signed himself out AMA. He is in desperate need of long term residential treatment, but that's not the way it works these days. He is unwilling to seek out patient treatment of any kind.

This is a tragic story. I fear that it can't have a happy ending.

Another Detour

Not about Brian. This is about my brother.

I don't know if I've written about my 40 year old brother before, except maybe in a quick family mental illness history kind of way, so here's a quick background... 20 years ago, he was diagnosed with bipolar II (cyclical depression basically). He's been mostly stable (if not really a living a functioning in society kind of lifestyle) for the last 10 or so years. Fast forward to last year. He married a Filipino girl in August. In October or November he started taking illegal drugs to boost his energy. Got addicted. From Thanksgiving on, he has been in and out of various hospitals in north Texas. Finally, after a stint in intensive care, he agreed to a mega expensive rehab hospital north of Dallas. Checked himself out AMA 3 weeks into the program. That was, I don't know, 3 to 4 weeks ago.

Mom called today. The police were called to his apt. at some point last night/this morning. He's back in the psyc hospital. His wife wasn't there because of her work situation. Mom didn't know what caused the police to be called, but Neal has bought more guns. She's scared he'll kill himself or worse, and frankly, I am too.

We're starting to try to figure out how to get someone involuntarily committed in Texas. Mom tried once before, and couldn't do it, but the evidence has definitely been mounting. Now that Brian has his life back on a track of sorts, I may end up flying out there to help her and offer her whatever support I can give her.

 So, yes, Sis, if you're reading this, it's true. She probably didn't call you because you're always pretty busy. Or she just couldn't talk about it that much. Or something. Or maybe she did. I didn't ask. But if she didn't, now you know. I just talked to her again, and he says they might let him out tonight. She doesn't know if that's true or not.

Worried,

P.S. I almost posted this without the art, and actually had another post planned for today, a book review, but that will wait. This art form really helps me gather my thoughts, and calm down, so I went ahead and drew.

Book Review -- Brilliant Madness: Living with Manic Depressive Illness

When faced with illness of any sort, John & I often turn to books, and the internet as a means of educating ourselves. Interestingly, he turns to the "fact" books, and I tend more toward the human interest types of books, and A Brilliant Madness was one of the first I turned to.

Written by actress Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman, this tells the story of Patty Duke's struggle with mental illness. The chapters are alternately written by Ms. Duke, telling the story in her words, and then Ms. Hochman explaining the facts and treatments of manic depressive illness.

Why did I choose this one first, and what did I think? Well, I chose it, I think, because after my brother was diagnosed as bipolar in 1991, my mother started learning more about this disease. Patty Duke was one of the first celebrities that I had ever heard also being bipolar, and she has been quite outspoken about it since her diagnosis in 1982. When my brother was diagnosed, I did contemplate learning more about it then, but my plate was full, or so I thought, and I left it up to my mom to handle things.

So, is it a useful book to read? Yes, and no. For me, it was heartbreaking to read how she struggled for many years with depression, wild manic episodes and multiple suicide threats and attempts. But it was also reassuring in that as bad as it had been for her, now that she had a diagnosis and a treatment plan, life could go on in a more or less normal fashion. Originally written in 1992, the chapters on the illness itself were interesting, but now, in 2011, I found much of the information to be outdated, and I found myself skimming those chapters.

"There comes a point where the mental illness has to stop being the focus of your life. Once you are treated, your world is no longer about depression or mania. It is about living your life -- making a nice dinner, reading a book, or writing one, going to a PTA meeting, and feeling comfortable about it. It's no longer thinking of yourself as a "patient." But you still have to deal with reality. And reality is hard."

Patty Duke, A Brilliant Madness: Living with Manic Depressive Illness,  p. 291.

We're not at that point yet, but there is hope.

 

College When You Are Bipolar

Is it even possible? [If you want the short version of this post, jump down to the next to last paragraph.]

If you read the post What do I have?, then you know a little about Brian's freshman year. Not a great year, academically, but in the scheme of things, not so bad either. He weathered a few storms, maintained a long distance relationship with his high school girlfriend, and made some friends. I'll write more about his sophomore year in another post, but suffice it to say that he completed his sophomore year with much better grades. A few bumps along the way, but nothing we felt was unusual, so we'll call that one a success, at least for now.

So now we're to the start of the junior year, where he headed back to school with a "secret plan" (his words). Again, the short story is that this time things did not go so well, and he ended up withdrawing in mid-October of last year, and moving back home. Let's just say that things went from bad to worse, and he is currently in a treatment facility as an Intensive Out-Patient (IOP).

We're to the point in his treatment where they have been talking future for at least 2 or 3 weeks. Everyone, including Brian, wants him to get a job. Not so easy in this economy, but he's trolling Craig's List and sending out resumes. And then there is the issue of completing his degree.

Initially, Brian was hellbent on returning to what I will call University A. His GPA puts him just under the minimum requirements that many (most?) universities have, and then there is a pesky social probation that he is currently serving. After being rejected from University B just 2 days before his psychotic break and hospitalization, he felt like his choices were extremely limited. Never mind that University A is highly competitive, and a pressure cooker in terms of academics, especially in Brian's major of Mechanical Engineering.

Recently, however, the option of a University C has cropped up, and after a call to admissions, I discovered that his GPA is not really a problem. It's only 2 hours from home, so geographically it is more desirable in terms of home support.

If you got this far, then the short story is that tomorrow, we're headed down to visit University C for a tour. I'm really proud of Brian for at least keeping an open mind about making a change when lately his life has really been nothing BUT change.

What I'd love to know from readers is... Is it possible to earn a college degree after being diagnosed with a major mental illness, bipolar I specifically? What do/did you need to do and expect as the student? And, boldly, I ask... can I interview you for the blog?

Wish Us Luck,

Welcome to our Journey

Names have been changed to protect privacy. This welcome post is also repeated on the About Us page.

Imagine you are a teenage boy at a prestigious prep school. You have an older sister in college, and that is where you're headed, too. Not just any college, but an academically challenging university that is difficult to get in. This is the path you are on, and all signs point toward success.

But something happens your freshman year, and you find yourself struggling academically, with a GPA at the end of that year that puts you on academic probation. Too late in the spring semester, after researching symptoms, it's discovered that you are suffering from ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

With the support of your parents, new medications on board, and the help of an ADHD Coach, the path toward sophomore year promises to be less rocky. Your grades improve dramatically, and the academic probation is lifted. But there is an uneasiness in your life, and at the end of the school year, you confess that you feel addicted to the medication, you needed anti-depressants to help regulate the stimulants, and had had some suicidal thoughts.


Going cold turkey off the medication, you manage an internship during the summer, and devise a secret "plan" to keep the academic success going your junior year. You convince your parents that even though this path looks foggy, as they peer into the future, you are certain that it will be clear sailing.


No one suspected that a couple of months later, huge detour signs would be posted all over that path, and that by the end of the year, you had withdrawn from school, you had become psychotic, and hospitalized. And that finally, a diagnosis of Bipolar I had been made.


I'm the mother of this boy, no longer a teenager, but a 20-year-old young man struggling to come to grips with this unplanned detour in his life. His father and I are along for the ride, and while we can't begin to know what he is going through, our own hopes and dreams for him have taken a detour.

I'll be chronicling the journey into mental illness, not as a victim, but as the parent of a beloved son. Our journey is different than his, but no less a detour of our vision of the future. We have already begun, as has Brian, and I will share book reviews, resources, things that work and things that don't, both for him and for us. By doing this, I hope to come to a greater understanding of Bipolar Disorder specifically, and mental illness in general, and perhaps, in some small way, take away some of the stigma and shame that still surrounds a very real physical illness that happens to affect mental behavior.