The Chicken or the Egg

It's been kind of a crazy week brother-wise, and you would think for a blog about craziness, or rather those mental detours that seem to happen to a lot of members of my family, that I should be able to handle it, but apparently not. Anyway, just in the nick of time, I'm submitting my Zentangle Diva challenge for this week, which, if I understood it correctly, was to decorate an egg. Not a real egg, but you know, one on paper. I haven't looked at anyone else's yet, so hope I'm on the right track, LOL. Anyway, I couldn't stop at just one this week.

If you celebrate, have a happy Easter!

15 Minutes

Just not long enough. This is the #17 Diva Challenge, and the goal was to set the timer for 15 minutes and get to tangling. I was just getting into the zone (the zen?) when the timer went off, and didn't get to my favorite part of the finishing which is the shading. The zen might have happened sooner had the dog not decided to have a barkathon right in the middle of my 15 minutes. That just is not very relaxing.

Since I'm new to zentangle, I don't really have any tangles that are my "go to" yet, and tend to have a idea in mind, and then I pore over Totally Tangled, or tanglepatterns.com to fulfill that idea. This time, I stayed true to the challenge, and while I had an initial idea in my head, I felt the clock ticking, and pretty much just doodled.

I do really like the end result (I've looked at a few of the others, and y'all are just too hard on yourselves), but I feel somehow unsatisfied. After I post this, I'm going to do another one just for me.

Brother update: The last I heard (which was late yesterday afternoon), he is being transferred from the initial hospital to their other location which is apparently for people who will be staying longer. From what my mom says, it sounds like the hospital is committing him involuntarily. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they keep him longer than a week.

Calmer,

Second Diva Challenge Try

Capturing the Mooka

 

I wasn't completely satisfied with my first challenge try, and gave it another go. I think the part I'm having the most trouble with on this tangle is the shading for the Mooka. I just can't get it to appear like I want it to. Ah well, I am happier with this one.

Feeling better,

Our New Normal

This week has been a struggle for me. Family therapy on Monday, couples therapy on Thursday, Brian got a job, somewhat unexpectedly. None of this was bad. In fact, a lot of it was really good and helpful. It feels like to me that we're moving to a new phase, and I'm not entirely sure I reconciled the old phase with how life is going to be. Each phase seems to bring what seems to be a new normal.

So, let's see where we are now...

Brian has bipolar disorder.

He attends a treatment center, but with the new job, that will change and he'll go as his work schedule permits. Next week, he won't be able to go at all, except he will have to go get an Rx refill from his psychiatrist on Monday.

Brian will have to pay more attention to when his meds are running low. So that when it's Friday evening, and he realizes he doesn't have enough wellbutrin to make it through the weekend there isn't a problem.

The meds are important. Critical even. And he really gets that.

John and I attend support group meetings. Our NAMI family to family education course ends this Sunday with a potluck dinner. I hope we'll keep in touch with some of the other couples.

I'm sure there's even more, but I'm going to let it wait for now.

And, I still haven't gotten a good handle on my own anxiety. This week at the various therapies and support groups that became abundantly clear.

It's a process, and a challenge. And just like this week's Diva Zentangle challenge that is the drawing above, some results are better than others. Like this week, this challenge was a bit of a struggle for me.

Feeling challenged,

Curves

The challenge of life is really that you're never walking down a straight path, but trying to follow the curves that it throws you. There are happy curves, and horrible, scary curves. The art above is The Diva Challenge #15, but my life right now does feel like it's on a curvy roller coaster, so it feels so appropriate.

As a mom with a bipolar child, but not really a child but an almost 21 year old, the path is not only curvy, but rocky. I've recently been accused of micromanaging, which goes right along with the control freak accusation. I suppose if the shoe fits...

Anyway, I'm trying to do my best imitation of backing off, because any control that I might feel like I have is just an illusion anyway. And I'm just going to have to get used to the reality that this particular path is not that well lit. If this all sounds like doom and gloom, I apologize. There definitely is hope, and I just need to relax and know that someone else is driving on this path right now.

Trying to Let Go,

Support

Challenge #14, I Walk the Line

This week's Walk the Line Diva Challenge really fits in well with the topic of support and support groups. And I'm talking about support for the caregivers, especially, because it does feel sometimes like you're all alone. Presumably, your loved one is getting the support he or she needs in treatment programs, counseling, or with a psychiatrist. Well, that's not entirely true, because sometimes we can't convince our loved one that something is wrong that they even need support for.

I think we all need support. The sufferers of mental illness and their loved ones and caregivers. [Well, I think everyone could benefit from a little therapy, but that's a topic for another post.]

I've participated in 3 support groups. The first one I attended was a Survivors of Suicide group that I found some time after my father had committed suicide in January of 1991. I can't remember how soon after it happened that I found this group, but I had tried a couple of therapists, without any success in dealing with my anger and grief. Probably because I'm really good at the "nothing's really wrong... I'm fine" way of dealing with things. In the group though, I discovered it much easier to talk about my feelings or even just feel my feelings after hearing others do the same.

Now, I'm currently attending two different groups, though the first is not really a support group, per se, but a class to educate the members of the group about mental illness. The is a course sponsored by NAMI, and is the Family to Family Education program which lasts 12 weeks. This weekend will be our last class, and I'll be sorry to see it end, but feel like we made a connection with at least one of the families and I hope that we'll be able to keep in touch.

Finally, we're attending a group called the Support, Training and Education Program (STEP), held at the facility where Brian is currently receiving treatment. This is a 2 hour weekly meeting, with the first hour dedicated to a speaker or some kind of specific topic, and the second hour is support. The majority of the participants have a loved one at the facility, but not always. This group has been invaluable to our own self care, and we have at least tried out many of the suggestions we've learned about on those evenings.

Mental illness sufferers do have community support groups, and Brian attends one that meets bimonthly. He doesn't say much about it, but I'm glad that he is going. Not all groups are created equal, of course, so finding one that works for you is important, but they are definitely a useful tool in your coping skills toolbox.

Holding out a hand,

Weekly Challenge #13

Life certainly is a challenge, isn't it? I mean, is there anything that isn't a challenge? Sometimes just getting out of bed or figuring out why your phone alarm is only vibrating instead of making the usual chiming noise can be challenges.

Mental illness is undoubtedly a challenge, both for those afflicted and those who love them. Yet, I'm adding a challenge to my life, and this one will be fun. It's a weekly Zentangle challenge, and I'm jumping in on week #13. What an introduction to the other wonderful artists! This week's is to create a "tile" or art created solely with your non-dominant hand. I am strongly right-handed, so this proved to be really hard. I couldn't even uncap the pen with my left hand. It just felt so awkward.

Well, except for the uncapping the pen issue, and drawing the "dots" (the 4 corners of the "tile"), I did it all with my left hand. I've named this one "Lefty Out", but it does kind of remind me of a farting tiger. Yeah. I'm looking forward to redeeming myself next week, but until then...

Lefty Out,