A New Direction

Well, it seems that I am not really any good as a mental health issue blogger. When things are bad, new or happening, then I seem to be able to write about it. When things are back to "normal", not so much. But, I do still like to write about things pertaining to, well, let's just call it "life in general".

So, stay tuned. I'm going to attempt to post more often, and expect to find several book reviews and movie reviews coming up. One thing I've noticed since our detour into mental health/illness (and I say "our" because I feel like when it's someone in your immediate family, then you are most definitely involved) is that I'm now reading books and seeing the behavioral topics in a whole new light. And movies too. Even tv shows that aren't screaming out about mental illness. Criminal Minds that leaves you out.  Every episode is blatantly about mental illness, so nothing new there. I do watch lots of Criminal Minds reruns though. At least the ones that aren't way, way, WAY disturbing.

Oops, kinda got wordy there, but my point is that having family members with mental illnesses makes me see everything with that kind of slant. Let's just see what happens.

Also, if you're one of my 2 or 3 readers, pop in now and then with a comment and let me know you're out there! I love comments! So don't be shy. And click over there and follow so I know who you are.

And one last thing, I'm going back to my real name. Sure, Jenna is a great name, but it was the name of our dog, and frankly, I'm moving on from that persona.

Oh, and one more last thing. I'm going to continue to illustrate the posts when I think of it, but I'm not going to obsess over it.

I'll be back soon!
                        ~Ellen

Worry vs. Anxiety

I've been thinking a lot about the distinction between simply worrying and having anxiety, but in truth, linguistically speaking, they aren't that different in meaning. But in my mind, having a healthy concern for someone or a situation can be worlds apart from full blown anxiety. And, of course, everyone has a different propensity for worry/anxiety.

It's pretty well known, in my immediate family at least, that I am prone to be a worrier, and at times my worrying becomes, well, a more worrisome anxiety. And for me, having relatives dealing with mental illnesses, especially my son, my worrying has really been put to the test. One of the reasons for writing this blog, besides having family members be able to keep up with what's happening in an anonymous sort of way, is to explore how mental illness affects the whole family.

So, how have I dealt with this anxiety? I've seen my family doctor twice, and he has prescribed Xanax, which I only take in extremely anxiety producing times. I've been pretty successful in really only taking them as needed since becoming addicted to it is extremely easy, and that is worrying. He also prescribed an SSRI, which didn't seem effective, and the possibility of gaining weight was also worrying. I weaned off of it, and in hindsight, it did have a very subtle effect.

The second time I saw him, he went with Wellbutrin and it's just too soon to tell. Wellbutrin can help with focus among other things, and I do feel more able to stay on task, and a bit less distracted.

Psychcentral.com has excellent articles on anxiety, and even has an Anxiety Screening quiz which I took. My results indicated that I have mild to little anxiety. Excellent. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't still worry and get anxious. When I told Brian the results, he said, "Good. I guess you just Momxiety."

That made me feel better. At least for now.

This, by the way, is the opposite of anxiety:

Trying to relax,

Our New Normal

This week has been a struggle for me. Family therapy on Monday, couples therapy on Thursday, Brian got a job, somewhat unexpectedly. None of this was bad. In fact, a lot of it was really good and helpful. It feels like to me that we're moving to a new phase, and I'm not entirely sure I reconciled the old phase with how life is going to be. Each phase seems to bring what seems to be a new normal.

So, let's see where we are now...

Brian has bipolar disorder.

He attends a treatment center, but with the new job, that will change and he'll go as his work schedule permits. Next week, he won't be able to go at all, except he will have to go get an Rx refill from his psychiatrist on Monday.

Brian will have to pay more attention to when his meds are running low. So that when it's Friday evening, and he realizes he doesn't have enough wellbutrin to make it through the weekend there isn't a problem.

The meds are important. Critical even. And he really gets that.

John and I attend support group meetings. Our NAMI family to family education course ends this Sunday with a potluck dinner. I hope we'll keep in touch with some of the other couples.

I'm sure there's even more, but I'm going to let it wait for now.

And, I still haven't gotten a good handle on my own anxiety. This week at the various therapies and support groups that became abundantly clear.

It's a process, and a challenge. And just like this week's Diva Zentangle challenge that is the drawing above, some results are better than others. Like this week, this challenge was a bit of a struggle for me.

Feeling challenged,

What IS Normal?

I pulled out my old dictionary (yes, the paper one, and not one online... they make these things called "books" that are awesome) and normal has quite a long definition. [by the way, I must have had this dictionary a long time, as the last copyright on it is 1972] Anyway, the #1 definition is "conforming with or constituting  an accepted standard, model, or pattern; esp. corresponding to the median or average of a large group in type, appearance, achievement, function, development, etc.; natural; usual; standard; regular. In this edition, the 5th definition reads: "Med., Psychol. a) free from disease, disorder, or malformation; specif., average in intelligence or development b) mentally sound."

Well, there you go. If you are mentally sound., i.e., don't have a mental illness or disorder, then you are normal.

But, bear with me here, what if the large group that you are part of, i.e., the population of the United States say, has more people that are affected by mental illness than not? Is that even possible?

Let's look at some statistics. Well, I'm going to confess to laziness here, and link you on over to the blog Weighing the Facts, specifically her post on mental health statistics and resources. Here is her first statistic though:

"It is estimated that approximately 1 out of 4 U.S. adults (26%), 18 years of age and older, suffer from a mental disorder. That's 57.7 million people, according to the 2004 census."

And another one that affects even more people: "1 in 5 families are affected by mental illness."

Another study says that over 10% of the U.S. adult population is on anti-depressants.

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So, I started writing this a couple of days ago, and I could probably go on and on with statistics of how many individuals and families are affected by mental illness and addictions, but my point is this: it's not that uncommon. But mental illness still carries with it such shame that it is often hidden, and often goes untreated as well, swept under the rug, or stuffed into the closet. It seems like the only time you really hear anyone talking about mental illness is at parties when you might joke about crazy Uncle Jim, or quirky Aunt Yvonne.

Have you ever played "my family is crazier than yours" at a cocktail party?

P.S. Full artistic disclaimer. I didn't draw the skeleton, it's clip art. I'm best at doodling.