On Monday, May 30, Brian's girlfriend committed suicide. No easy way to hear that news. She was a beautiful 20 year old young woman who had been diagnosed with bipolar I the preceding December. She had been hospitalized twice, once in November, and then once in December which is when and where she met Brian. She participated in about a week of outpatient treatment at the end of December, and then was to start a new semester in January at a local university, but withdrew about 2 days into the semester.
In late February she told her mother she was suicidal, and her parents took her to psychiatrists, and therapists, and she had 2 weeks of outpatient treatment through her HMO. I'm telling you this completely from my perspective and what I know, as I don't want to presume any of Brian's feelings about it.
I've gone back and forth about what I want to say about suicide, which actually is quite a lot. For now, though, I'll stick to "L"'s story.
Anyway, she didn't think too much about her outpatient therapy program, and from what I know, she continued to see doctors and therapists, and was prescribed medication. I know from Brian that once she stopped taking the meds because she didn't think they were working, and she didn't like the side effects, but she did start taking them again. From Brian I also know that they just couldn't find the right combination of meds to make her feel more stable, and she was quite depressed about the amount of weight she had gained.
In mid-April she and Brian both found part-time jobs at the same place, and worked together or on overlapping shifts almost every day. She was able to go to work most days, though sometimes felt too sick to go in. The week before she died, Brian saw her everyday, and he felt like she seemed pretty happy. Perhaps she had already decided on her suicide plan.
He didn't see her at all on the weekend, which was unusual, but Sunday she told him she thought she had the flu. Could he have talked her out of her plan if he had seen her in person? No one will ever know the answer to that question, and thankfully Brian doesn't feel like there was anything he could have done anyway. I am only speculating on the rest of the timeline, but she did overdose on her prescription meds sometime Sunday night/Monday morning. Her mother called Brian about noon on Monday.
Her parents had a service at their house on the following Thursday, June 2. It was a beautiful service, but the likes of which I hope never to have to attend again.
I think I'll stop there. I have posted a link over on the right from the Metanoia website that you should read if you are feeling suicidal.
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